baybeasts

I’m very sorry if I’ve ever been der with people who have been going through a really hard time. This is a steep learning curve for me too. I always thought that offering platitudes would make my friend/acquaintance feel reassured. Not so, I find. Platitudes make the person saying them feel better, and the other (infertile) person feel nothing, or feel worse. I understand that the intent is good. There are widespread popular myths around infertility, and not one single person who is having trouble conceiving has escaped ‘just relax’. It is not a novel suggestion, and has no basis in medical fact. It’s a very rare woman who is so stressed that she actually stops ovulating. Studies have not shown that women who are worried about their infertility are impeding their chances of getting pregnant.

We had a classic “But have you tried…” from an old family friend recently. She looked so dismayed when I talked about starting IVF, that I almost felt sorry for her. She then came up with all the typical ‘assvice’ in the book. One we cherished was… “But have you been to see a naturopath ? There’s a really really really good one I heard about. She’s getting incredibly good results. Um… I think she’s in Melbourne, but I can’t remember her name”.

Finally, here are some ideas for helpful things to say to someone struggling with infertility…
‘I’m so sorry you are having such a crap time’
‘I hope this next time is the one. I really hope you have good news soon’

NO-ONE can promise me that I will have a baby.
Nevertheless, we are optimistic about IVF, and know that we have as good a chance as any.
(For a very funny look at unhelpful suggestions, check out this infertility ’study’).