ever since we first embarked on this family adventure, i have thought a lot about the details of how i want all this to play out. (insert standard disclaimer about life being unpredictable and things changing blah blah blah.) i find dreaming about it all totally irresistible. for example, i have thought long and hard, and have very passionate feelings about:
and so on and so on (really, the list could go on forever).
that’s not so strange, i think.
what is strange, is how reluctant i am to tell most people about the kinds of conclusions i am reaching as i consider these things. i am more reluctant to come out about my beliefs and desires about parenting than i am to out myself as a lesbian.
of course, i’ve talked endlessly with bean about these things, and for the most part we agree. lucky.
i hope that, as with coming out as a dyke, i become more certain over time about the fundamental validity of my choices. yeah.
ps [edit] this ps had a list of the specifics of the kinds of things i am talking about. but on reflection, i have decided to take this list down. there are several reasons for this. one is that i don’t want to offend anyone. the things we want to do are not intended to be judgements of the choices that other people make - just things that feel right for us (even though in many cases they go against traditional expectations and ideas about parenting). another is that it is a list in progress - how i feel today is different to how i felt a year ago, and will undoubtedly be vastly different to how i feel once we have a couple of real live little people to deal with! the most important reason, though, is because the content of what i am talking about is beside the point. the point, because i don’t think i was clear enough, is that i feel sad that i don’t feel like i can talk openly about my ideas about parenting without fearing negative judgements. this is not a reflection on any of my friends and family - rather, it is a reflection on the profoundly rigid and highly charged field that parenting and family occupies in contemporary western culture. so there. yeah.
