it’s hard to post during the two week wait. there’s too much everything - words to describe it all that aren’t the same as all the other words are too hard to find.
i can talk about home though. a few months ago, i would step outside our back door and feel miserable at the expanse of hot, glary concrete that lay between me and the vegetables. i thought a lot about when we would sell the house, move somewhere greener, quieter, better.
now, i step outside, and there is green, and deck, and somehow the rest of the garden seems closer - like it is all part of the same back yard now. somehow it seems quieter, less smelly - suddenly the factory and the main road that i have hated so much are so much less important now that i can sit with a cup of tea on the deck and just rest my eyes on the garden. i can imagine being here with small children. i am in love with my home.
we bought a table and chairs for the deck over easter, and i worried that we were becoming very bourgeois - we have spent a lot of money on this back yard renovation. but bean said, well, we don’t spent much money on other things (except ivf) - home is the most important thing to us, so we would rather spend money on making it a beautiful place that we love to be than on anything else. she’s right. and maybe that is the definition of bourgeois - and if it is, i don’t think i care. that little leap of joy every time i walk out the back door is worth much more to me than a few thousand dollars.
