baybeasts

Our 5th transfer (which was with the substitute doctor) was much better than the visit we’d had with her last week where she shoved the dildocam inside me while we were attempting to negotiate details of the transfer.
It was mostly painless (although the speculum pinched hurtily), and luckily no embryo travelled back in the catheter.
We’ve now had 7 embryos popped in through the cervix (NOT implanted as newspapers report!) but we are not very hopeful as the best ones were used up at the start. It just feels like we are going through the motions (and paying very large amounts of money to the IVF company) until we are able to go through another 2 month stimulated cycle.
It’s all incredibly emotionally painful.
I have almost completely lost my sense of humour.
Sorry.

We have been blessed by the production of several good TV dramas, and the one keeping us afloat at the moment is Battlestar Gallactica. Go Starbuck. Through the magic of the internet (thanks A and A!), we are in the middle of watching Season 2 and it is just excellent.

I’m having an unusual week at work doing nursing student facilitation which is novel and a little stressful because I’m so rule bendy and scared I won’t be able to show them the right way to do things.

After five years of having a mobile phone, I’ve had my first text message from my mother. It was a momentous occasion. She had bought the phone when I was distraught after the break-up of my last (four year) relationship, but she never got around to connecting it. Better late than never?

Despite the strange and unusual horribleness of IVF, my relationship with S is in great form. I am feeling very proud of us and also our dear friends R and A who have just celebrated their 11 year anniversary(steel!).

It isn’t easy. We’ve only made it through 3 and a bit years and already we feel nostalgia for the passionate falling-in-lust sex and the amazing high that you ride until your partner becomes a real person replete with flaws and bad smells. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything. That high is just too short and fickle compared with the enduring closeness and knowledge we now have of each other.

Tonight’s dinner is tandoori (free range) chicken and (mum’s recipe) blancmange with prunes and pears stewed in marsala. yum.