Here we are at 28 weeks. No more nude shots until labour- it’s getting too cold here now!
B1 is still very wriggly during the day and much less so at night. Fingers crossed it continues.
I’ve had very noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions since 16 weeks and a huge amount over the last month or so, but they have settled down a bit of late. I was getting one every time I stood up, walked, lay down, or did a wee etc, which started to freak me out.
The boring saga of sick S continues. There’s not much I can say about it, really.
It is much more exciting that we found the top of her fundus to now be popping up over her pubic bone. Right on track. As a newly addicted ultrasound junkie, I am finding it a tad hard that we won’t see an image of B2 for another seven weeks, so this new bump is very reassuring.
Here are today’s flowers in our kitchen.
This floral arrangement idea was entirely copied from my new friend, R***, who is gently imprisoned in my maternity ward for the coming weeks.
(happy c*cksucking 27 weeks!)
ok. i have put this post up and down a few times, because in my first post i wrote about how excited i was to have an ocelot daemon - i have always loved the big cats! but then, suddenly, the daemon changed into a jackal, and i was very confused. now i realise that it will change for the next twelve days if any of you, my loyal readers (all 3 of you) decide to go and check the accuracy of my self-assessment. so i am steeling myself for the possibility that i may not end up with a trusty ocelot companion after all, and leaving the post up.
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my original post commented that this is very cool, and that i am childishly excited about this movie, but terrified that they will stuff it up too…i mean, the fact that they had to go with the dumbed-down american name is a bit of a worry, but the sneak preview on the website looks pretty stunning. i just wish they’d cast a Lyra who was a bit more fierce looking. Nicole Kidman as Mrs Coulter and James Bond man as Lord Asriel is great casting though. And Serafina Pekkala looks exactly how i imagined her. so yes, on balance, very excited…
I came home from work today to find that, despite nausea, S had done an amazing job of rearranging our bedroom. This included lifting our enormously heavy latex mattress about five times, hammering nails into various wooden supports and (quite) a few tears of frustration culminating in this lovely sight that greeted my return. We now have a queen and single bed of equal heights, only a foot off the ground. I’m not sure how the vacuum will gain access but I’ll worry about that when the dust bunnies come out to play…
When S first talked about co-sleeping, I was fairly unimpressed by the idea as it sounded like a sure way to have babies who wanted to breastfeed all night, forever. She has remained steadily optimistic that we will find ways to manage and I finally, through gritted teeth, agreed to give it a go.
I’m now quite looking forward to it, and my heart feels happy looking at this big family bed. The multi-coloured blanket on the single bed was generously knitted for me by a work colleague, and we have put our practice B1 and B2 in to have a snuggle.
The paintings on the wall were done by S’s Mum, who died four years ago.
These days, a lot of women have an ultrasound at about 11 or 12 weeks. I didn’t.
It’s been a bit weird not getting the scan. It was such a marker of really believing that B1 existed when bean had hers - it was magical to see that tiny baby appear on the screen. And if there is any one feeling that I have had very strongly so far in this pregnancy, it is disbelief. No matter how hard I try, and how many people I tell, and how nauseous and tired and I am, and how my period keeps not coming and my boobs expand, I just simply don’t really believe that there is a baby inside me.
Despite this, despite the comfort that a scan may have given me, I have decided not to have one anyway. These are the reasons, in no particular order:
I don’t really trust ultrasound, and I’d rather expose B2 to as little of it as possible.
This is a complex one - most people get the 12 week scan in combination with a blood test. This screening then gives them a risk rating for genetic abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome and Trisomy 13. The problem is, that the results only come back as a risk level, not as a diagnostic yes or no. And the false positive rate is kinda high - for every 12 or so women who are told they are ‘high risk’ only one of them actually has a problem. And some women are told they are ‘low risk’ and go on to have a baby with genetic abnormalities anyway. It’s a pretty unreliable test. The only way to be really sure is to do an invasive diagnostic test such as an amniocentesis or a CVS, both of which carry a significant risk (1-2%) of miscarriage. There is absolutely no way that I would place B2 at risk of miscarriage, so I figure there is no point doing the screening tests, because if I was given a high risk rating I would just have to spend the rest of the pregnancy freaking out. I’d rather not raise my levels of anxiety. And besides, even if I did know for certain that the baby had something wrong with it, I am not sure that I would terminate. So, no point getting a scan for screening purposes.
The final reason is deeper. I had a termination at about 13 weeks pregnant when I was 19. At the time, I knew I was doing the right thing - in fact, I am still absolutely sure that I did the right thing. But it was traumatic nonetheless. Back then, I didn’t see a scan of the baby - they protected me from that, for which I am truly thankful. But I still don’t want to see a scan of a similar size baby right now. I still don’t want to face the reality of that decision I made.
But I will get a scan at 19 weeks, mainly because I am planning a home birth, and I want to know if there are any problems that might make it dangerous for me or the baby, like placenta previa, or any problems with the baby. I am still wary of ultrasound, but at least this way I will hopefully be getting the maximum benefit with the minimum exposure.
context: bean and i have returned to the long-term parking at the airport after a trip to visit relatives to find that our car battery has gone flat. i flag down a middle-aged couple in a mercedes to give us a jump-start.
man (to his wife): when i say, just press the accelerator pedal a little, ok? woman: um, is it the long thin one, dear?
*****
context: bean has told a paediatrician at her work that we are expecting two babies.
bean: it’ll be great - a bit like twins! they’ll be able to share clothes and toys and stuff. paediatrician: oh, no, they won’t be able to share toys if you have a boy and girl! a little girl won’t want to play with trucks!
*****
context: sorenson is writing a report for work about the progress the government has made against its vision statement. because it is published in the budget papers, the report has been reviewed by the department that manages the state’s finances.
executive from finance department: now, we understand that the government has said that indigenous disadvantage is an issue that needs attention, but given that the indigenous population is statistically insignificant in terms of the state’s population, why is there so much emphasis on outcomes for indigenous people in the report?
*****
to each of these, bean and i could only say, what the fuck? and laugh hysterically of course.
This is where we are up to! I can now work out if B1 is on my left or right side, or posterior, but I’m not much good at discerning the bum from the head. I’ve been able to hear the baby’s heartbeat with a stethoscope a few times, which has been lovely. B1 seems to have a consistent pattern of sleeping when I sleep overnight. Whenever I half wake to roll over, the baby stays asleep, but if I roll over and then start thinking, I start to get some kicks. Without fail. It’s really interesting and makes me wonder what feels different for the baby if I am properly conscious. Different breathing, heartbeat, adrenaline?
Meanwhile S is still crook. In fact, during the last week she seems to have worsened. Cold Feet is our solace this time around.
And here is the big nappy stash to date! Mostly they are terry towelling nappies, but at the front there are some flannel (organic cotton, Rach!), muslin and bamboo nappies for the newborns. I also bought some extra night time boosters and various nappy covers which are pretty gorgeous.
So the secret is out, more or less.* B2 is on the way.
I am 9 weeks pregnant, after three tries at home and one cycle of IVF (I miraculously fell pregnant on the first fresh transfer). So far everything seems to be going well, if almost constant nausea and extreme exhaustion constitute good progress.
The best thing is that after two years of trying, some of which was incredibly sad and hard, we ended up getting exactly what we wanted. B2 is due about 4 months after B1 (early November), and I have enough leave up my sleeve to finish work when B1 arrives. Assuming everything goes well, we will be able to do this together after all - it’s unfashionable, but doing things together works for me and bean. We even worked out that we’ll be able to pay the mortgage and feed ourselves (just) for a whole year (after which we will both go back to work part time and share childcare). It’s almost enough to make me believe in karma.
It’s going to be full on, but I think it will be lovely too. We’ll be able to share breastfeeding, be there to support each other through the rough nights and days, and both be there to see the first smiles, the first rolls, the first crawls. It’s a direction that I never imagined my life might take, but now that I am on the threshhold of milky warm tired motherhood, I am excited and terrified and above all very, very happy.
* I haven’t made this widely known at work yet, so if you know anybody I work with, please keep it quiet for another month or so…thanks.
I felt baby hiccups for the first time yesterday (April 1st).
(Yes, I am really enjoying the big, comfy maternity undies Mum bought for me).
Today, the physio at my work brought in a bean bag with a tummy hole cut out, for me to borrow. This is the most exciting thing that has happened for weeks.
And here is a cartoon of us with our midwife, Jan. We are so lucky to be having all of our prenatal care in our own home (usually over dinner!)
