baybeasts

S took the kids to Piggy’s fourth birthday party at the weekend while I was at work. They all had so much fun - all the kids got to make, decorate and cook their own humongous cookie. When they were leaving the party (clutching their beloved baked goods), Pcat gave them each handmade aprons. We’ve hardly managed to get them off since. They are beautiful and practical, and the party and aprons have inspired all of us to do more cooking together.

I will never forget how lucky I am.

Bean and I have started working part-time. This means that for the first time, pretty much, we’re spending whole days on our own with both kids. Today, while Huey had one of his rare long daytime sleeps (nearly three hours rather than the usual one and a half), Arlo and I hung out for a bit. I stapled some paper together to make a little book, and he spent a happy half hour putting stickers in it (and on his hand, his clothes, the floor, and me). After a little while he looked up at me and said ’sticker book for bean’. ‘Are you making this book for bean?’ I asked. ‘Yah’.

When bean came home I was in the bedroom with Huey, and I felt bad because I wasn’t there to remind him to give her the book. But when she opened the door he was standing there with his little sticker book in hand. He remembered all by himself.

Later, at dinner, he was playing with our names as he often does. ‘Mummy-baba. Bean-mum.’ Then he looked thoughtful, and said ‘Ayo yuv baba-mum. Ayo yuv bean-mum. Ayo yuv Huey.’ And we love you too, Arlo, oh yes we do.

I wrote this in an email to a friend tonight and thought it might be worth posting as a little update here.

Arlo and Huey are being their usual divine, challenging selves. They have delightful moments of playing together, making each other laugh and chasing each other around and devising little games, and then they have terrible moments of tearing toys out of each other’s hands, screaming and pulling hair and sobbing desperately. It’s a little hard to keep up! Arlo blew me away today by engaging in some imaginative play - I pretended that the washing basket was the car, and then asked him where he wanted to go. He said the shops! Where he wanted to buy a tomato! It was very cute. Huey is going through a stage of breastfeeding all of his soft toys (or asking me to) - also very cute.

And here is a photo of them playing tea. Note Arlo’s crazy expression. It’s his version of smiling for the camera. We had professional photos done recently and it drove the photographer crazy the way he pulled this face every time he noticed her camera was pointed at him. Poor little fellow - he’s really trying hard to help us take great photos!

The other night, we were putting the boys to bed as we always do. The routine is much like most other people’s - bath, pyjamas, maybe a story depending on how tired they are, then lights off and feed to sleep as we sing a little song. As I lay there with my eyes closed, enjoying the soft tug of a sleepy feed from Huey, I heard Arlo singing from across the bed: ‘Hey diddi…ga fiddi…cow mooooon…diddi doh laff…run fooon.’ The syllables slowly came together as he repeated them several times, and through my stupor I realised that he was singing Hey Diddle Diddle. How odd! Neither bean nor I has ever sung that particular nursery rhyme with him.

In the early years of our relationship, bean and I experimented with various crunchy lifestyle options. We were vegan for three months. It was cheap, delicious, challenging, and we lost 5 kgs which was a good thing, but it was almost impossible to eat out or at friends’ houses and we missed red meat too much. We did yoga. It was relaxing and rewarding but it cost a lot of money and we skipped classes too often. We did a meditation course. It was even more relaxing, challenging, and felt really good when we did it during the classes, but I don’t think either of us meditated independently more than two or three times. We gave away the television. There was more time for doing other stuff, especially reading, but bean stopped talking to me in the evenings because she had her head in a book and I missed her so we got it back again. I don’t know where the anti-television sentiment comes from, but it is strong within me, and despite my own addiction I swore that our kids would not watch any telly until they were at least two years old.

I bet you can guess how that turned out. Pretty much every day one or other of them climbs eagerly on the couch chanting either ‘Be be! Be be!’ in the case of Huey or ‘wach bi pay schhhoool’ in the case of Arlo (I find myself trying to minimise my downfall by telling Arlo he can watch ‘a bit of play school’ and it has become the title of the show). I feel guilty about it, I do. And a friend with older kids recently advised me that it is the beginning of the end. Apparently the rest of my parenting years will be filled with requests for the computer, the telly, the playstation etc etc ad infinitum. Now that’s something to look forward to. I am trying to make my peace with this, arguing to myself that for the meantime Play School is about as harmless as television can be, and it brings them great joy, and nursery rhymes - like Hey Diddle Diddle.

But the other big thing for me in this is that, until now, everything has come from us. These kids have only been cared for by us (apart from the odd hour here and there with friends and family). All their games, their songs, their exclamations - they are all are things that bean and I have said to them or done with them. It rocked me, hearing an unfamiliar song come out of Arlo’s mouth. It is the beginning of the rest of his life, where what he learns from the world will be so much more than what I can give him. But oh, how I hope that what I have given him (my rock’n'roll rendition of Baa Baa Black Sheep, ‘oh no!’ and ‘oh dear’, crazy dancing to african dance music) sticks too. I want to be important in his life. Because he is oh so important in mine.

(note: I’ve already come to terms with Arlo and Huey having thoughts and ideas and desires of their own, oh yessiree, it has been well and truly drummed into me, that one.)

***

Some other things that have happened in the last few days that I’ve been meaning to record for posterity (warning, list ahead):

Last week, I took Arlo and Huey to the market in the double pram. As I was waiting for coffee, a bearded, faintly glowing man said to me reverentially, “Twins! Such a blessing.” I was a bit taken aback, but I just smiled and said thanks. This was one time that I didn’t feel like spoiling the illusion. Usually, the question is asked somewhat quizzically: “Are they…twins?” I haven’t quite worked out how to tell the story in twenty five words or less, but I do take the time to spell it out, because I feel like we are a walking case study for how same-sex families are not only OK, they are also gorgeous.

It’s true though, the gap is narrowing, and if they didn’t look so different (despite having the same donor) there wouldn’t be a query, just an assumption of twindom. Where once only Arlo hit Huey, now Huey can hit back. Their gross motor skills are roughly equivalent. Huey can finally defend his toys, and does so, loudly and emphatically. And while Arlo is streaking ahead with three and four word sentences, Huey’s pronounciation is very clear.

More importantly, they adore each other. When Huey wakes up from his nap this afternoon, the first word on his lips will be “Ayo!” His first destination will be to deliver Arlo’s lovey to the living room where Arlo will be asleep on a cot mattress on the floor. Arlo doesn’t give two hoots about the lovey, but Huey is a card-carrying lovey lover and so thinks that Arlo will be needing his too. We’ll encourage Huey to wake Arlo up (because if he sleeps too long in the day we can’t get him to bed at a decent time), and Huey will most likely comply - life is more fun, if also a bit more stressful, when Arlo is there too.

I’ve decided to blame facebook for our huge blog lapse. I could just as easily blame the drop in daytime sleep hours (I’m looking at you, Arlo) which means that by the time evening comes we’re so exhausted that we flop in front of the tele before collapsing into bed. Or maybe the road trip is to blame for getting us out of the habit of composing blog posts. Perhaps we ran out of steam with the blog because we lost sight of a sense of purpose for it - who reads it, anyway? Is it anonymous or not? (Not really, if HotRodLibrarian could find us so easily! Hello there!) We can’t blame work, not just yet, but as of July we will be working a combined total of six days a week and solo parenting most days, so maybe knowing that that is coming has made us pre-empt running out of time to blog. Maybe the real reason is simply that the longer we didn’t update the harder it got. But no, let’s blame facebook - it is the root of all evil, isn’t it?

Imagine there are two pubs on the same street. They both have comfy decor, delicious beer, and lovely friendly staff. At pub B, the beer comes fast, in big jugs. At pub S, the service is slow, and even though the jugs are big, when they finally arrive they are only about half full.

Which pub would you choose? Pub B? I thought so. Well, so do Arlo and Huey. If pub B is shut, then they will go to pub S, but during the day they don’t really settle in for a good hard drinking session. (Night time is different - any pub will do when you’re half asleep.) Pub S is struggling a bit, but is trying out some new marketing strategies and buying in some more beer to try and lure the customers back. It seems to be working - Arlo in particular is a fan. Even though it’s been a rough few months for the baybeast liquor industry, we’re confident that the sales figures will continue to improve. We’re hoping to keep our customers for a couple of years yet!

Arlo is mad for animal noises. So far he makes consistent sounds for lion, elephant, monkey, fish, rabbit, frog, duck, chook, snake, tiger, dog, cat, cow, parrot, small bird, and probably more that I can’t remember right now. But I’ve never been able to tell him what giraffes say. My friend’s husband solved the problem, and Arlo has taken on this new animal noise with enthusiasm:

PS We’ve seen a big difference in his language since his ears were drained and adenoids out. There are words! And so many more consonants! He said ‘mama’ the other day and it was sweet to hear - there had been no m or n for months. We are still Baba though - I think that has stuck.

Last night when I got home from the hospital, leaving bean there with a slightly manic Arlo, I carried Huey from the car to our bed and he barely stirred. Then I sat at the computer and wrote this email to our family:

“Arlo’s adenoidectomy went very smoothly. After a long fast (which he coped with very well) he went down easily and although he woke up pretty sad, within an hour he was bouncing around happily with a fistful of cheese, and making Huey laugh! We’re so proud of him. The doctor said his adenoids were indeed very big, but that his ears didn’t have too much fluid in them so he didn’t put grommets in after all (which was what we initially wanted so we’re pleased with this outcome). Apparently it will take about 2 weeks to really notice a difference in his breathing, because of the swelling. Bean and Arlo are in the hospital for observation tonight, but will come home tomorrow morning. Bean’s mum is arriving tonight to help us out over the next few days, which is wonderful.

Thanks so much to you all for your supportive messages! We’re glad it’s over, but glad we did it too.”

Today he has been mostly very chipper, and we have noticed a huge difference in his breathing already. It’s kind of spooky walking into the bedroom when he is asleep and not hearing him snort and snuffle and struggle for breath. I really noticed it today when he got on the phone to a friend. It’s been a running joke that he never says anything but just breathes heavily down the mouthpiece. It seems his prank calling days are over!