baybeasts

We have just come back from a whirlwind trip to Brisbane for a funeral (my grandfather) and an engagement party (my cousin). Here’s a picture of Stan and his family. He was my Mum’s Dad. I had to give part of the eulogy with 5 minutes to prepare and two toddlers calling out to me across the chapel. “Where’s dead Stan?”

As I had no father or siblings, Stan was the most important man in my life as I grew up. He taught me to ride a bike and catch a ball. He tickled me too hard and too long when I was little. He showed me I could drive down super steep hills and around big scary roundabouts. We fought constantly and as a teenager I often avoided his company. But when I cut off my hair in my early twenties and started bringing home women, he never treated me any differently. One of the last big conversations I heard him have (and these were quite rare), was with S about 6 years ago. She talked with him about the war and about his career in the public service. He deliberately retired early at a time when jobs were few and younger folk were in danger of being retrenched. He tickled too hard. But he always meant well.

And so. S had a chemical pregnancy, poor bugger. It’s a bloody awful feeling. That brings our combined total to 10 failed IVF cycles this year, including a cancelled cycle, a miscarriage/D&C and 3 chemical pregnancies. I just heard that our IVF company will let us know tomorrow if they have enough xmas staff to allow S to cycle over Dec/Jan. I will be so glad when we never have to deal with them ever again.

2009

bean jan - fet - bfn
bean mar - fet - bfn
bean apr - fet - bfn (early chemical?)
bean jun - fet - cycle cancelled - multinucleated embryo
bean july - stim flare, blast transfer - bfn
sorenson july - fet - 8 week miscarriage, d&c
bean sept - fet blast - bfn (chemical)
sorenson oct - fet - bfn
bean oct - stim antagonist 2 blasts transferred - bfn (chemical) nothing to freeze
sorenson nov - fet - ?
bean dec - ?
sorenson dec - ?

We’ll try for one more year

My darling sorenson,

I had such hope that we would finally be starting on our parenting journey together. I am sad to announce that you are now a member, with me, of the ‘not getting pregnant right away club’. This is a strange club, with somewhat shy, sometimes embarrassed, often secretive members. You may fail to find satisfaction when discussing your woes with non-members. It can’t be helped. Non-members often find it hard to really understand, so please feel free to be woeful with me. I am trying to think of some advantage to being in this club, and struggling.
I can’t think of anything.
You are only a novitiate. Your official stay in the club will hopefully be a short one.
I love you so very much.

Today is exactly half way through my first proper two week wait - only about a year to go.

(The Secret July Try [oops, not secret anymore] doesn’t count because we got the timing all wrong - me and my wacky cycle)

I have no symptoms. This is to be expected. It doesn’t stop me unduly noticing every lower belly gripe.

I cannot possibly imagine that this might work. Does it ever? And anyway, it is safer this way.

Stay tuned for more news later next week.

We have achieved a lot in the garden over the last two years. (The after shot is a bit like ‘Where’s Wally?’, hey.)
S is usually hiding in the vege patch. Sometimes I can’t see her from the back door, for the longest time.
And then she stands up.

We have a Japanese guest staying here for one week.
We were trying to explain to her why some people eat Vegemite. I was trying to think of a link to miso, to help explain the culinary context.
Yeast! It has yeast in it like miso, and that’s why it tastes um, yeasty, I helpfully explained…

We have met our new IVF doctor. We now have doctor kate. She has ordered a barrage of blood tests including a chromosome analysis of me and our donor.
I’ll also need (another) hysteroscopy some time soon.
I can say with certainty that taking a break from trying is not emotionally helpful. If anything, it is becoming more excruciating seeing the proliferation of pregnant bellies and small children everywhere I go.

Last week was Sorenson’s (second) try. We are back to the jar and syringe method of attempted conception.
We are not feeling terribly excited or hopeful, but fingers are crossed.

It seems I bring my reproductive incompetence to a variety of situations. We picked up the jar of semen (thanks R!) and drove to our friend’s house (thanks T!).
I did then put the syringe into S and I did squeeze in the semen. And it did come straight back out again.
Honestly, for pete’s sake…

thank god for battlestar galactica